Jessica Williams, jazz pianist, composer

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My Weird Life

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. - Mahatma Gandhi

 

Oct 11, 2017

I am going to “go negative” for just a short moment, so that I may unburden myself, educate my friends and fans, and feel the buzz that only complaining can bring. If I was the kind of woman that cursed, I would say the “F” word right about now.

During the last 10 years (2007 - 2017), these things happened:

 

My lumbar spine collapsed. I live with an internal metal framework. Surgeons call it a multi-level fusion with instrumentation. Here's pictures of my spine. It hurts. The surgeon that did the work, during which I died several times, is in jail now. Dr Richard Rooney is hopefully still in jailnew window

That operation wiped me out financially. Wishing to survive all of this, I still take (and desperately NEED) to ask for donations. People all over the world are saving my life.

I have, as a result, been without a piano for 5 years. It's like losing an arm. It's hideous.

I lost my home. I rent.

I lost 75% of my hearing to Bilateral Meniere’s Diseasenew window plus the attendant Tinnitus, and it cost me most of my balance (inner ear).

I became hypothyroidnew window and I take porcine thyroid every day for life.

I lost my music career because I came out as a "transsexual" in reaction to the thousands of lives we have lost to violence and hate. Actually, I have A.I.S.new window and I was misgendered at birth (you may examine my personal medical report here) but let’s face it, no one should need an excuse to live their life in freedom.

All royalties for my CD sales and air-play were stolen from myself and many other artists and musicians, including Bob Dylan and The Beatles.

I am no longer allowed or asked to play and work in the US. Someone, a sponsor or a promoter or even a fan may object to my presence on political or religious grounds. I am considered a security risk because of who I am. And am I still on the no-fly list? I haven't flown for 10 years so I don't know.

I receive death threats and phone harassment quite frequently. The violence is so severenew window that I suppose the foxes are in charge of the hen-house.

My 15-year old Siamese cat Kayla died. My eleven year old Boston Terrier Angel died a week after my cat died. I lost two wonderful friends

My teeth, every single one of them, need extraction. Since there is no dental coverage in ‘our’ country, I have been on antibiotics for 3-plus years, low-dose. They are finally being removed, and hopefully satisfactorily replaced, on Nov 2, 2017. I am so lucky that I know a friend of a friend . . .

I had throat cancer, yet I refused radiation and chemo treatment and seem to have it contained using my Buddhist Practice (Nicherin Daishoninnew window), Meditation, RSO oil for pain, and my own will.

I lost every old friend I had over the revelation of my “coming out”. They obviously were not real friends.

Oh, yes . . . I had a 3-year long nervous breakdown. I weathered it without help. Dr Thomas Szasznew window was right: it can be a breakthrough if you don’t fill the patient full of narcotics and anti-depressants. I’m coming back to reality. Ick.

I have more here, including pre-Parkinsonism, brain tumor (glial blastoma multiforme), peripheral neuropathy, parathesia, and iatrophobia, of course. They were all misdiagnosis, yet I glow in the dark from over 25 CAT scans. No more rads for me.

We should also count my three deaths during back surgerynew window. I came back, but I lost so much in the dark.

Then the miracles began. You, people like you, all over the world, held me up when I had fallen and made me want to make more and more music. This I am doing right now. And when I get the money to release this music, it will available ONLY here. I've had it with iTunes and Spotify, Google and Amazon, and here is why . . .

Thank you for listening to my woes and grievances with reality. It is so much nicer than obliquely saying the "F" word alone!

me

Peace and all the other good things in this world for us all, Jessica

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